Bear Hugs Before School

Bear Hugs Before School

By Ryan L.

Rated G

My name is Lucy. I’m seven years old and I’m in the second grade. I like to swim and play with my dog Snuff and my little brother Jim. I have a Dad, his name is William, everyone calls him Will, and a Mom named Eliot. Mom told me her parents named her Eliot because the doctor thought she was a boy when she was in Grandma’s tummy.

I go to Summerset Elementary School. Every morning, my Dad drives me to school in his big pickup truck. He works in construction and helps make people’s homes. I’d like a job like that someday. Dad’s pickup truck always has all kinds of tools and big pieces of wood. Mom works as a writer for a photography magazine. She likes taking pictures. For my birthday last year, she got me my first camera. We take pictures together every weekend. And Dad taught me how to make a birdhouse.

Every morning Mom wakes me up and Dad cooks breakfast. They don’t talk at the table anymore. They only talk to me and Jim. I don’t think Jim notices, but I do. When I asked them, they told me they’re just tired in the morning. But they’re never too tired to talk to me. That made me happy.

Last week Mom pulled out the old photo album from the closet where she keeps her old things so I could see what she looked like when she was a girl. She was very pretty. And I didn’t recognize Grandma at first. Some of the pictures were from before Mom and Dad got married. They looked very happy and went to different places like the Grand Canyon and the Yosemite National Park. After they got married, they went to Paris in France. Mom said we’ll all go again someday.

We looked through every picture in three whole albums. I liked most of the pictures. But some mad me sad. The pictures we took this year and last year and the year before are different from the others. Mom and Dad don’t look happy when they’re in the same picture.

A few nights ago, I could hear Mom and Dad arguing downstairs in the living room. They were arguing about money. I don’t think they should argue about money. Mom and Dad told me money isn’t everything. But they fight about it a lot. And then I heard Dad say we could lose the house. I wasn’t sure what he meant, but it sounded bad. They argued about a lot of other things. I’m not sure what most of it meant. But I do know Mom thinks Dad should spend more time with me and Jim. I’d like to play with him more too. But I know he’s busy. He must be tired because he missed most of our family trips and vacations because of work.

Everything is okay again in the morning. That’s the good part. They fight a lot when they think I’m sleeping. But in the morning they’re happy again. Just not around each other. But they’re happy to be with me and Jim. We eat breakfast and then Dad drives me to school. That’s my favorite part of the day because when we get out of the pickup truck, Dad picks me up and gives me a big bear hug. He even sounds like a bear. I like it because it’s funny. And when Dad hugs me, I feel very safe and warm. I try to hug him even tighter. When he puts me back down, he tells me he’ll see me at dinner. I go to class. I don’t think he leaves until he sees me walk through the door.

Things seem better now; Mom and Dad talk to each other. But even though they say nice things, they get angry at each other. I don’t know why. They only stop when me and Jim are there. I asked Mom why they fight so much, but she told me Moms and Dads fight. But everything is okay and they always love me and Jim. Last night before bed, Jim asked me if Mom and Dad hate each other. I told him what Mom told me. I don’t know why, but it didn’t make me feel better.

Once I woke up early and went downstairs to get some orange juice. Dad was asleep on the couch. I asked him why when he woke up. He told me he was so tired from work that after dinner, he didn’t go upstairs and just fell asleep on the couch. Dad works very hard. When Mom woke up and came downstairs, her eyes were red and puffy. I think she was sick. But Dad didn’t give her any medicine.

When Dad took me to school that morning, he gave me an extra long bear hug. Only I get bear hugs. Dad flips Jim in the air like a somersault. But I get the bear hugs. Mom gets mad at Dad for not playing with us very much. But I’m fine with our bear hugs.

A few weeks after that, I was playing with Jim on the sidewalk. We were drawing pictures with the chalk Mom gave us. Snuff just laid there and watched. He’s an old dog. When we were done and went back inside for lunch, Mom and Dad were yelling. They didn’t see me and Jim and Snuff for a while. They used bad words and said mean things. Jim started crying. When Mom and Dad heard him crying, they got even more mad at each other. They stopped fighting and gave Jim hugs and kisses to make him feel better. Mom and Dad are just fighting. They’re not mad at us. But I still feel bad. I didn’t know Mrs. Lori thought I’m bad at math and spelling. Maybe they won’t fight if I do better in school. That night Dad sat down with me and we did homework together. Usually I do it with Mom when she’s not writing at her computer. I think I like it more when Mom helps me. But I think Dad did his best.

A few weeks after that, Mom and Dad left every Wednesday Night after dinner and were gone for almost two hours. Dad said he and Mom went to see a friend named Dr. Katherine. He said she’s very nice, and helps him and Mom not fight as much. Sally from next door comes to babysit. I like Sally. She does my hair and helps me with my homework. And she plays Legos with Jim and reads us stories. I’m always sad when she leaves when Mom and Dad come back from seeing their friend. Sometimes Mom and Dad look even more angry. Sometimes they look the same. Other times Mom looks sad, or Dad does, and sometimes both of them do. I only saw them looking happy once after seeing their friend. Dad always sleeps on the couch now.

Mom and Dad always left to see their friend every Wednesday. They saw her every week for most of the school year. But I don’t think Dr. Katherine can help them because they’re still fighting. When I told Mom they should talk to another friend, she told me Dr. Katherine was a very good doctor, and she and Dad just need to try harder. But the mean fights and bad words never went away. Soon, we stopped doing things together. Sometimes I went fishing with Dad and Jim. Mom didn’t go. Other times Mom took us to different places like the zoo or a science museum with fossils and things from outer space. Sometimes I was with Dad while Jim was with Mom; or the other way around. Once I told Mrs. Lori I didn’t want to go home because I knew Mom and Dad would be fighting. I think she called Mom and Dad because they talked to me and told me they’re sorry they fight so much. And that they won’t do it around me or Jim anymore. They love us both very much. And it worked. Mom and Dad almost never fought after that. Everything seemed back to normal. They even talked at breakfast and then Dad would drive me to school and give me an extra big bear hug.

Last night Mom and Dad told me they’re separating. I don’t understand. They stopped fighting. And they’re talking to each other again. I thought everything was back to normal. Mom and Dad told me that sometimes Moms and Dads can’t live together anymore because they can’t stop fighting no matter how hard they try. They told me it’s not my fault and it’s not Jim’s fault. They told me that because I asked if they were still fighting because I didn’t know math and spelling. But they told me that’s not why. Sometimes Moms and Dads fight about grown up things that can’t be resolved. But they always told me family is stronger than anything. Family is more important than anything. We stick together and love each other and take care of each other. We talked for a very long time that night. They asked me many times if I understood. I pretended I did. I think they believed me.

After a while, Dad moved away. Me and Jim only see him on weekends now. Mom and Dad said that even though they are now divorced, they still love us more than anything and want to spend time with us. But since Dad live in his own home now, we can only see him on Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes he picks us up on Friday’s if he isn’t working late and we spend the whole weekend with him.

A short while after that, Me, Mom, Jim, and Snuff moved into an apartment just like Dad did because the house was too expensive. I miss our old house. I miss having Mom and Dad at the same time. Jim and Snuff miss that too. I’m still not used to switching between apartments. Sometimes I forget my homework at Mom’s or Dad’s and get in trouble at school. Mom can’t cook breakfast like Dad can. And I like it better when Mom helps me with homework. The other night I had a dream that we were back in one of the old pictures, the ones where all four of us were smiling and Snuff wasn’t an old dog.

It’s Thursday. Mom burned breakfast again. But cereal is good too. Jim doesn’t like cereal and gave his to Snuff. Mom tells me to pack my things and get ready for school. When we get there, Mom leans over and kisses my cheek and tells me she loves me.  I tell her I love her too.

I step out onto the sidewalk and close the door. Mom leaves in a hurry so she won’t be late. Jim is back home with the baby sitter until Mom gets back from work. And then she and Jim pick me up from school. I don’t mind, but there’s one thing I miss more than anything.

Dad’s not here. I won’t see him until Saturday. Or maybe tomorrow if he’s not working late. I want a bear hug. But Dad isn’t here to give me one. I take the straps of my backpack in my hands and tighten them as hard as I can. It’s not the same as a bear hug.